I was a great girlfriend but I’m learning how to be a wife.
I’ve spent the past six or so years being someone’s significant other, but this is my first venture into being a wife. I grew up believing that there would be some shift in me with the joining of my soul to another. What I wasn’t prepared for was the sheer lack of change. We still wake up each morning, him to the alarm on his phone and me to movement of him getting out of bed. He goes to work each morning, and I set up shop at home. These things have not changed. There has been no shift.
I’m not sure what it was that I was expecting to happen, or what ‘change’ I was predicting. I simply know that it did not happen.
That’s not to say it is a bad thing that things have remained the same. I enjoy our life together and all of the subtle nuances throughout our days. I’m just learning how to be a wife. I’m learning that my identity is now combined with someone else’s. My name is no longer my own, rather someone else’s entirely. I went on a job interview recently and when I introduced myself, it was as the old me- not the new. I became incredibly tongue tied when she asked which name was correct, because I didn’t know how to answer her. I’m not at the point where I’m comfortable with the ‘new’ me, last name Cole. I’m still using the old me, epitome of comfort for the past 25 years.
These are the things no one prepares you for or even mentions when becoming a wife. While I’m sure it seems petty, in a way you completely lose yourself. I’m no longer who I was, maybe in body but not in name. While I don’t feel different, the world sees me differently.
I’m learning how to be a wife.